I still 'hate' you.
I want you to know one thing: Don't ever look for me again... You have your friends. I don't want to be in your life anymore.
Just don't treat me like before. Don't call me brother. Don't call me anything. I made a mistake SMSing you just now. I shouldn't do it. I want you to be just like any other people I saw: online on FB but never chat. Online on MSN but never chat.
I want these.
I don't want to be part of your dreams, or whatever. Don't ever claim that I am your inspirer. I am not. I won't be. I bring boredom to your life.
Go dance
Go laugh
Go play your guitar or keyboard or whatever.
Go mix with your Chem/Sc friends.
DON'T COME NEAR ME.
Fortunately next sem I won't be free. Really fortunate. I don't want to see your face anymore. Your face tells me that, you don't know how to emphasise on a brother. You only see me as your brother because I can protect you in someways.
I am sorry. That's not a brother. That's a guardian.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Dear Jagung 4
I am sorry to see you keep posting here and there just to reach out for me. But I think she is right. I have to move on.
Too many times I have tested on you while you never tested on me. I am greatly sorry about that. I remembered even the tiniest teaching from my primary school teacher that I should never be suspicious over relationships and friendships.
And yet, I still did.
LOL.
I am glad that after one day you left here, I no longer have the urge that I need to find you or chat with you. I am regressing back to the state I was before. Back to where I am with my friends again.
I will be back on your side if time permits it. I promise that.
I still love and care about you, my brother.
But in your heart, do you really?
Enough of repetitive crybabies, I want you to be happy with your friends. Forever.
Find me when you really know who you are and who am I between both of us.
Bye
Too many times I have tested on you while you never tested on me. I am greatly sorry about that. I remembered even the tiniest teaching from my primary school teacher that I should never be suspicious over relationships and friendships.
And yet, I still did.
LOL.
I am glad that after one day you left here, I no longer have the urge that I need to find you or chat with you. I am regressing back to the state I was before. Back to where I am with my friends again.
I will be back on your side if time permits it. I promise that.
I still love and care about you, my brother.
But in your heart, do you really?
Enough of repetitive crybabies, I want you to be happy with your friends. Forever.
Find me when you really know who you are and who am I between both of us.
Bye
Monday, August 29, 2011
Dear Jagung 3
Dear Jagung,
I saw your message on FB.
I dunno whether our telepathic link still holds like my mother used to say, since I already chose to part with you. But the first time you sent me a message on FB, I had the sense. I clicked on your name to open the chatbox and at the same time, the display wrote ".... is typing a message".
First time coincidence.
Then the second time, after I went out, I have the strong feeling that you will write me another message. True enough, I saw your message after I came back from dinner/supper.
Second time coincidence.
Finally, just yesterday night, I was taking my 100Plus and I was mocking the sound when the FB message pops up, trying to tease you in my heart that you still will write me message tonight. And when I got back to my seat, I saw your message again.
Third time coincidence.
Then I was like: "Try to write on my wall that you miss me la, doofus!"
And you did. But you write in a code that I understood immediately. You wrote: "Pls reply me as soon as possible. Text me."
You are still ashamed to admit that you are close to me in front of my friends and yours. What for being your brother if you are so ashame to do so while you boast so much in front of me that I am your brother?
Fourth time coincidence.
I tell you, I have tested what you mean by brother and I understood perfectly well that 'brother' to you is in the sense of hiphop. So, I got your meaning. Go and run along.
Another thing you didn't tell me and I have to find out unintentionally. You know how freaking hurt it is? I read your blog about 'Sunny and brother are "fuel"....'
I was wondering who is Sunny. At least I guessed saxophonementos correct.
Now after than YY posted on your wall, I knew Sunny was another person better than me. I don't care if Sunny is a girl or boy, as long as you mention Sunny, that means it (sorry to use 'it')deals great impact in your life.
Another point to prove that I am not that "required" in your life.
I can't GIVE you anything and yet I have to ACCEPT everything. I don't like it. You want to give your love and care? Don't give it to me. I don't wish to be one. Give it to someone else, like JJ, YY or whoever in your friends circle.
I won't reply your messages anymore, Jagung. You damn know that I won't.
Now, I am worried you might come to my house and look for me. I am trying to escape right now. Thinking of ways to hide myself away.
Still thinking...
I saw your message on FB.
I dunno whether our telepathic link still holds like my mother used to say, since I already chose to part with you. But the first time you sent me a message on FB, I had the sense. I clicked on your name to open the chatbox and at the same time, the display wrote ".... is typing a message".
First time coincidence.
Then the second time, after I went out, I have the strong feeling that you will write me another message. True enough, I saw your message after I came back from dinner/supper.
Second time coincidence.
Finally, just yesterday night, I was taking my 100Plus and I was mocking the sound when the FB message pops up, trying to tease you in my heart that you still will write me message tonight. And when I got back to my seat, I saw your message again.
Third time coincidence.
Then I was like: "Try to write on my wall that you miss me la, doofus!"
And you did. But you write in a code that I understood immediately. You wrote: "Pls reply me as soon as possible. Text me."
You are still ashamed to admit that you are close to me in front of my friends and yours. What for being your brother if you are so ashame to do so while you boast so much in front of me that I am your brother?
Fourth time coincidence.
I tell you, I have tested what you mean by brother and I understood perfectly well that 'brother' to you is in the sense of hiphop. So, I got your meaning. Go and run along.
Another thing you didn't tell me and I have to find out unintentionally. You know how freaking hurt it is? I read your blog about 'Sunny and brother are "fuel"....'
I was wondering who is Sunny. At least I guessed saxophonementos correct.
Now after than YY posted on your wall, I knew Sunny was another person better than me. I don't care if Sunny is a girl or boy, as long as you mention Sunny, that means it (sorry to use 'it')deals great impact in your life.
Another point to prove that I am not that "required" in your life.
I can't GIVE you anything and yet I have to ACCEPT everything. I don't like it. You want to give your love and care? Don't give it to me. I don't wish to be one. Give it to someone else, like JJ, YY or whoever in your friends circle.
I won't reply your messages anymore, Jagung. You damn know that I won't.
Now, I am worried you might come to my house and look for me. I am trying to escape right now. Thinking of ways to hide myself away.
Still thinking...
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Dear Jagung 2
Dear Jagung,
I never want to see you again. I purposely offline-d my MSN, I purposely don't want to reply your FB messages and I purposely said I deactivate my handphone. I hope by cutting off all sorts of communication, you can liberally run in your life. Alone.
I am sorry. But now, I think I said 'I am sorry' is just away to let you feel a little less harsh whereas my heart doesn't want to apologise anymore.
Maybe you asked JJ not to tag you in the recent photos, but hey, I am a good stalker, I found it. And I still let you know, there is no point glueing on me when you can have the rest of the fun you can find with your friends.
JJ can help you academically, so yeah, I can't do anything about it. He is your true brother. He cares about your result and helps you constantly. Me? I am just sitting on my chair and just complain my life to you.
What for?
JJ is a nice guy, although you said he has some attitude problem. Go change him. He likes to be with you. And I don't.
Your hometown friends and housemates, they are great people who can make you laugh and have fun together. But me? I am just a boring old man waiting someone to care of. Which, I have to say, I hate to have the feeling that I NEED CARE.
So don't always talk to me by keep saying 'my brother' here or 'my brother' there.
I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE IT.
Go. Go run along with your dance life and chem life. Don't ever bump into banking and finance sector. You are no longer welcome here.
I hope you understand this even though you refuse.
Sorry, I am not the one you seek. I am going to end this, as if all that happens is a cycle.
This week + study week + 3 exam weeks + 3 sem break weeks. Totally 2 months for me to forget you and you forget me. Even though you cannot forget me, I will still no longer communicate with you via HP, MSN or FB.
And if you want to sit at block H or I just to meet me, Sorry, I will be in E, H and I with time pack. Even if you see me, I will be rushing for class.
So.
BYEBYE. Hehe.
Have a nice life without me.
I never want to see you again. I purposely offline-d my MSN, I purposely don't want to reply your FB messages and I purposely said I deactivate my handphone. I hope by cutting off all sorts of communication, you can liberally run in your life. Alone.
I am sorry. But now, I think I said 'I am sorry' is just away to let you feel a little less harsh whereas my heart doesn't want to apologise anymore.
Maybe you asked JJ not to tag you in the recent photos, but hey, I am a good stalker, I found it. And I still let you know, there is no point glueing on me when you can have the rest of the fun you can find with your friends.
JJ can help you academically, so yeah, I can't do anything about it. He is your true brother. He cares about your result and helps you constantly. Me? I am just sitting on my chair and just complain my life to you.
What for?
JJ is a nice guy, although you said he has some attitude problem. Go change him. He likes to be with you. And I don't.
Your hometown friends and housemates, they are great people who can make you laugh and have fun together. But me? I am just a boring old man waiting someone to care of. Which, I have to say, I hate to have the feeling that I NEED CARE.
So don't always talk to me by keep saying 'my brother' here or 'my brother' there.
I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE IT.
Go. Go run along with your dance life and chem life. Don't ever bump into banking and finance sector. You are no longer welcome here.
I hope you understand this even though you refuse.
Sorry, I am not the one you seek. I am going to end this, as if all that happens is a cycle.
This week + study week + 3 exam weeks + 3 sem break weeks. Totally 2 months for me to forget you and you forget me. Even though you cannot forget me, I will still no longer communicate with you via HP, MSN or FB.
And if you want to sit at block H or I just to meet me, Sorry, I will be in E, H and I with time pack. Even if you see me, I will be rushing for class.
So.
BYEBYE. Hehe.
Have a nice life without me.
Dear Jagung
Dear Jagung,
The moment of protecting you and loving you has gone. I think about the days I am with you and I am wrong. I have taken you away from your dreams. I restricted you.
I am sorry.
I am in tears while I am writing this. I never cry like that before. But my heart is just... painful to accept the fact.
You have a nice great gang where you grew up with. No point satisfying your responsibility as my brother while you can have them. They are much better. They have fun with you, take you out to eat, shopping and do things that I never like.
I never hate you. But I don't want you to treat me like whoever you think I am to you. I have had enough. You go back to your hometown where you can have all the time you want.
I am a boring old man. I don't dance. I don't sing. I don't shop.
I eat, sleep, and computer games, compose songs and play piano.
I can't say I regretted knowing you. But I really thank you for what you did. I know sometimes I mean a lot to you, but, seriously, this needs to end. I don't think I have the courage to carry on.
People tell me: "If you think of giving up, why have you hold it up before?"
Easy. I remain this relationship because I still think you are a kid, small brother. Fragile.
But now, after all I have seen what you love doing, I think, I am the odd one out in your life. Sorry, I hate to say this, but it sucks.
I don't like it. I don't feel my freedom when I am with you. I don't think everyone understands how I feel, including you, fancy tell me to ask my mum to call you up.
Go, before my possessive demon consumes me.
In tears, I would say:
"I want you to know,
it doesn't matter
where we take this road,
cuz someone's gotta go."
I love you, brother, but I cannot be with you.
I am sorry and I love you. Very much. Very very much.
I decided to isolate myself from HP, computer, and MSN. I don't want to see your message. Every time your message gives me hope that I am a very close person to you, but every time when I see the way you hang out with your friends, I feel as distant as ever.
Two different lifestyles.
It makes me heartache.
So, I love you and goodbye.
Hope you have a good road ahead (I know you already had)...
[PS: Too bad you aren't h..]
From,
God of the Sea
The moment of protecting you and loving you has gone. I think about the days I am with you and I am wrong. I have taken you away from your dreams. I restricted you.
I am sorry.
I am in tears while I am writing this. I never cry like that before. But my heart is just... painful to accept the fact.
You have a nice great gang where you grew up with. No point satisfying your responsibility as my brother while you can have them. They are much better. They have fun with you, take you out to eat, shopping and do things that I never like.
I never hate you. But I don't want you to treat me like whoever you think I am to you. I have had enough. You go back to your hometown where you can have all the time you want.
I am a boring old man. I don't dance. I don't sing. I don't shop.
I eat, sleep, and computer games, compose songs and play piano.
I can't say I regretted knowing you. But I really thank you for what you did. I know sometimes I mean a lot to you, but, seriously, this needs to end. I don't think I have the courage to carry on.
People tell me: "If you think of giving up, why have you hold it up before?"
Easy. I remain this relationship because I still think you are a kid, small brother. Fragile.
But now, after all I have seen what you love doing, I think, I am the odd one out in your life. Sorry, I hate to say this, but it sucks.
I don't like it. I don't feel my freedom when I am with you. I don't think everyone understands how I feel, including you, fancy tell me to ask my mum to call you up.
Go, before my possessive demon consumes me.
In tears, I would say:
"I want you to know,
it doesn't matter
where we take this road,
cuz someone's gotta go."
I love you, brother, but I cannot be with you.
I am sorry and I love you. Very much. Very very much.
I decided to isolate myself from HP, computer, and MSN. I don't want to see your message. Every time your message gives me hope that I am a very close person to you, but every time when I see the way you hang out with your friends, I feel as distant as ever.
Two different lifestyles.
It makes me heartache.
So, I love you and goodbye.
Hope you have a good road ahead (I know you already had)...
[PS: Too bad you aren't h..]
From,
God of the Sea
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