Dear Jagung

Dear Jagung,

The moment of protecting you and loving you has gone. I think about the days I am with you and I am wrong. I have taken you away from your dreams. I restricted you.

I am sorry.

I am in tears while I am writing this. I never cry like that before. But my heart is just... painful to accept the fact.

You have a nice great gang where you grew up with. No point satisfying your responsibility as my brother while you can have them. They are much better. They have fun with you, take you out to eat, shopping and do things that I never like.

I never hate you. But I don't want you to treat me like whoever you think I am to you. I have had enough. You go back to your hometown where you can have all the time you want.

I am a boring old man. I don't dance. I don't sing. I don't shop.

I eat, sleep, and computer games, compose songs and play piano.

I can't say I regretted knowing you. But I really thank you for what you did. I know sometimes I mean a lot to you, but, seriously, this needs to end. I don't think I have the courage to carry on.

People tell me: "If you think of giving up, why have you hold it up before?"

Easy. I remain this relationship because I still think you are a kid, small brother. Fragile.

But now, after all I have seen what you love doing, I think, I am the odd one out in your life. Sorry, I hate to say this, but it sucks.

I don't like it. I don't feel my freedom when I am with you. I don't think everyone understands how I feel, including you, fancy tell me to ask my mum to call you up.

Go, before my possessive demon consumes me.

In tears, I would say:

"I want you to know,
it doesn't matter
where we take this road,
cuz someone's gotta go."

I love you, brother, but I cannot be with you.

I am sorry and I love you. Very much. Very very much.

I decided to isolate myself from HP, computer, and MSN. I don't want to see your message. Every time your message gives me hope that I am a very close person to you, but every time when I see the way you hang out with your friends, I feel as distant as ever.

Two different lifestyles.

It makes me heartache.

So, I love you and goodbye.

Hope you have a good road ahead (I know you already had)...



[PS: Too bad you aren't h..]

From,
God of the Sea